YOU'RE NOT ALONE
I have waited to share this BC it’s deeply personal + quite vulnerable, but it’s time. And I want to honor it + those who were a part of it.
The below photo was taken during my time at a trauma recovery treatment center last year. The choice to go was not made lightly. It was me admitting to the LIES + COVER UPS that I’d lived with my entire life. It felt like I was admitting defeat. To massive failure. It felt like proof that I was the piece of shit I thought I was. The courage it took to show up to this space was other worldly.
I was scared shitless to see myself in the faces of the people that would be there. Truthfully (+ sadly) I wanted to tell myself I was “better” than them. But I wasn’t. I am no better or worse. And, what I actually experienced there was shocking to me. I met a group of people who I hold in the highest regard. I met other people who also needed help. Who also experienced atrocities no one wants to talk about + look at. Who felt alone + broken + yet not ready to give up. People who had the courage to learn how to hold + own their stories with compassion. To face their realities. To share what’s happened + who they’ve been as a result. To learn to love themselves. I met people who have been through some of the WORST SHIT YOU CAN IMAGINE + DID NOT GIVE UP no matter how crazy it got. These people are some of the most badass mother fuckers I’ve ever had the privilege + honor of knowing. To be able to call them friends is beyond awe-inspiring to me.
I learned so much while I was here. Mostly that I’M NOT ALONE. And that I’m still awesome even though I’ve experienced terrible things. And that some of my fav people on the planet are people who have been through shit + choose to help themselves even when it seems impossible. They (you know who you are) have changed me. You are mirrors to my pain + my greatness. You give me permission to exist in the entirety of who I am, especially the “fucked up” parts. You laugh with me about the fucked up shit + don’t make me feel like a freak for our dark sense of humor. I love you all tremendously every single day. Loving you helps me love me more. Thank you for that. Forever.🌻🌻🌻
