Writing to find my voice.

Sometimes you just have to show up. Listen to what is stirring today and say yes. Today, it was writing. My inspiration comes in spirals and when I try and control the process too much, it flatlines. I lose the plot. So, lately, I have been practicing listening and following through. Listening and following through. Allowing the dedication to reveal the interesting bits. “Freedom with fences” as my mentor calls it.

I know, sounds kinda boring, especially for a neurocomplex individual like myself. But actually, it’s not.

Listening — truly listening. Beyond the noise of the external expectations to the deeper fabric of you. There is so much to play with and it’s different every single day. I never know what I will hear, but when I can put my inner coercion down I have room to breath (ok just that is huge) and then I can hear what is trying to emerge through me. To be honest, this type of listening is different than when I am just living my everyday life. This kind of listening is like listening for the background noises of a movie or the undertones of a song.

Our dance company, Raison D’etre Dance Project, is currently collaborating on an incredibly innovative show, Metal + Mozart, with a local metal band, Galvanist, who composed original music for the project. I had never seriously listened to metal music prior, and then on top of that, I was asked to choreograph. Not only choreograph, but to only choreograph for one instrument while 3 others choreographed for the other instruments. None of us knew what the others were doing or creating. We had to trust the process and each other fully, and in the end, we created the coolest visual representation of metal music and what it might look like as living movement.

I listen for a living, as a coach, to the subtlest of states. To nonverbal and verbal cues. To energetic codes and rhythms. But this practice of listening to what seemed like pure screaming on top of a heavy bass strum blew my mind. I had to train myself to listen in a different way. To listen deeper. To let myself be moved by what I was hearing. Not just listen to respond. Or listen to gather information. I am becoming a completely different listener.

I recently heard someone say that they look at creativity like crops where they allow their creative crops to rotate from time to time to allow for a freshness of their inner soil. Embracing this, I took to writing again. It’s been a while, but this season seems to want words on a page, so I am listening and I am showing up.

As I sit to write, somedays I have a kernel of an idea. Other days I have no idea — like today. I just show up and listen. When I loosen my grip just enough on what I think it needs to be, something else emerges. The practice of writing actually allows me to find my voice in the moment. And when this season of writing is over, the practice of listening and showing up will take on a that fit my soil’s needs.

What is whispering in your heart today? Grab a pen and see what emerges.

NOTE: if you want some dedicated writing practices that are born of this style, look into Morning Pages by Julia Cameron (from The Artist’s Way book) or Wild Writing, which has many practitioners to choose from, or simply give it a go on your own and see what happens. Enjoy!