VOWS TO MY PURPOSE.
Many of my clients and friends have been talking about purpose (your why) lately. It’s not that surprising when you look around at how the world is unfolding. It’s pretty grim these days (not that I don’t also see the beauty, but…). It makes a ton of sense to me. The desire to reconnect to something more meaningful speaks to the balance our inner worlds are seeking, beyond the existential realities banging at our doors.
I have had a hot/cold relationship with purpose work, to be honest. When I lived in Dallas, I was mentoring under a Sound Shaman who deeply believed in this work and felt that it was more of a lifelong process vs an ah-ha that you get in one day. I appreciated the surrender and the permission in this; to listen, witness, and allow it to reveal itself. It certainly took the pressure off - this is when it felt good to be doing purpose work. But then, sometimes it felt like a perpetual state of waiting, watching, and ultimately seeking an answer. Will today be the day that I know my purpose? It can be such a helpful tool when feeling untethered and overwhelmed as it can anchor you back to what matters. But I have found that sometimes it can be a bit too lofty as well, cycling you right back into overwhelm and confusion.
I recently coached an Executive who was wrestling with her purpose and she landed on this beautiful video (which I’m sorry to say I have lost), but it speaks to purpose as being useful. Ralph Waldo Emerson said a similar thing. In fact, one of my mentor coaches has adapted this to serve what’s here. I love this as it brings the loftiness of purpose work back to the present. To right here, right now. To something tangible that can happen today. Not some needle in a haystack that can create an unreachable pedestal that has lost its point.
When my relationship with purpose is cold, it’s usually because 1) I want answers and I am tired of waiting, 2) I have become fixated on getting it “right”, 3) it creates too high of expectations and I freeze up, or 4) I don’t feel like I am anchored into anything and so I get desperate to find it. The truth is that it’s a dance. Sometimes I am meant to take steps with or towards, and sometimes I am meant to sit back and trust. Each of these extremes can feel both good and bad, depending on the day. And being able to discern when it’s time to move with my purpose and when it’s time to release it has a learning curve all it’s own. The older I get the more I can sense it. The more I get present, pay attention, and lightly reflect I get better at it.
When I notice these collective rumblings in my sessions and in my life, I use them as an invitation to re-engage with that practice or tool and see what comes up. So, I found a mini purpose book by Lisa Messenger. She invites the reader to write marriage vows to your purpose because to fulfill on your purpose means you will have to go through the good, bad, and ugly to get there. If you aren’t willing to go through sicker and poorer with your purpose, then it’s not your purpose. I kinda liked this gut check - am I willing to go through unpleasant experiences for this purpose? If not, it’s probably not mine.
Here’s where I landed with my vows…and I have to say, the below was a powerful exercise that I highly recommend for anyone interested in purpose work (here is the format I used, as reference).
MY VOWS TO MY PURPOSE
I, Lotti, take “creating space that wakes us all up to who you truly are, to enjoy the adventure of being alive, being human, being you” to be my purpose, through sickness and health, to have and to hold, for richer or poorer, till death do us part. I love what you stand for for me and in standing for that for me, what you then allow me to stand for with others and the world. No matter what shall come to pass, I promise to hold you as sacred, to honor my commitment to being alive in myself and this life, even when it feels impossible. Especially when it feels impossible. When it feels impossible, because I know sometimes it will, I will take baby steps to remember what it feels like to be connected to you, to be in partnership with you, in this lifetime. I remember when I went through cancer, sexual abuse, bullying, and all the other micro-traumas that ultimately led to cPTSD in my late 30s. I remember almost giving up. Wanting to give up. But I also remember this small pearl buried deep inside me. When the lights almost went out, I heard your voice so quietly say, “stay”. Through the rubble of my past, I could sense there was more. I always knew there was, but life chewed me up and spit me out and I had lost my confidence in that confidence. I didn’t know what I could trust. But you never gave up. You continued to sing through the storms and eventually the parades, a steady hum that mirrored the sound of life, reconnecting me to why I am here. To be alive in myself and this life. Be the baking soda in the chocolate chip cookie, or nobody will have the worlds best chocolate chip cookies. You reminded me that I am irreplaceable and if I don’t live out this unique life of mine, then it will be lost forever, into infinity. A part of the greater whole, but with no one to honor it. So, I stood back up, got myself a tattoo to prove my promise to the unique expression of source that is my soul, and the divine human expression that is my physical body/experience. And when I forget, I have found myself a beautiful support system to hold me while I cry and remember again. I will turn to art and to dance and to connection and to nature to further my connection to you. I will go on roadtrips and laugh and have adventures of novelty to stay connected to the aliveness that is within and all around me. Sometimes I can fall prey to my own dark thoughts, but I have created systems of inspiration to tether me into this body, in this lifetime. I now know what it feels like to live from you and I cannot forget. I am honored to be in relationship with you for the rest of my time here. To enjoy the ride of the inevitable ups and downs, but now in the name of being alive in myself and this life. Damn what an exciting commitment. I got you, babe, and I am wise now knowing you got me. Till the end of time with you, my love.
I believe there is value in all tools. I also believe there is immense value in just living life - that is the ultimate tool in my opinion! None of them is the silver bullet, all of them have the capacity to open you up to new perspectives and potentials. So, if you feel called to purpose work and maybe writing vows to your purpose, dive in and maybe some of these musings will help you feel less alone in the swirl of it. There is no right or wrong way to do it, so find your way and know you will get where you are meant to get.